An open letter to John Hancock Insurance

13.04.2011 | Author: Eric Reiss
The following represents strictly my personal views, which may or may not represent the opinions of the owners and employees of The FatDUX Group. This represents the essence of an email sent earlier today to the John Hancock Insurance Company, in response to a promotional e-mail.

To Whom it May Concern:

Thank you for your “personalized” e-mail. Thanks, too, for the useless flash animation. Perhaps, as promised, my personal information could have been edited but I didn’t have the patience to wait through the advertising crap.

While I have your attention, I’d like to mention that my mother paid almost USD 9,000 a year for home health care. She did this for well over a decade. But when she turned 90 and really needed your help, John Hancock made us jump through all kinds of hoops.

My mother died before your policy finally “took effect”. You never paid out a cent. Good business model. Bad user experience. Your 100-day waiting period is quite effective. Alas, most needs for home health care arise quite unexpectedly. Ah, but you know this, of course :)

When you transferred her policy from one agent to another (the original agent retired many years ago – that’s how old the policy is), you kicked two numbers: the policy number and her social security number. Despite hours and hours on the phone (mostly listening to your Muzak), I don’t know that this situation was ever resolved – whenever I called, you were never able to find her policy. Yet you kept magnificent track of her bank account across at least two account changes.

During her memorial service (held at her home), I received a phone call from your organization (the fourth), requesting an appointment for one of your “professional advisors” to inspect the house to determine if my mother was really entitled to your help. Pardon me. I think I may have been rude to your representative – I was missing my mother’s eulogy.

I’m posting this on a user-experience blog because I think someone at John Hancock needs to sit up and take notice: you have a customer who paid over USD 100,000 to you and was kicked in the balls for the privilege. Imagine my joy to find I am still on your mailing list.

Eric L. Reiss
son of the late
Louise Z. Reiss
of Pinecrest, FL

Eric Reiss
The FatDUX Group
Copenhagen, Denmark
office: (+45) 39 29 67 77
mobile: (+45) 20 12 88 44
skype: ericreiss
twitter: @elreiss


If you received this in error, please let us know and delete the file. FatDUX advises all recipients to virus scan all emails, and to eat five portions of fruit and vegetables daily.

- Show quoted text -

On Wed, Apr 13, 2011 at 12:16 AM, John Hancock South Florida Group
<> wrote:
> Dear Eric,
> Every few months, I try to keep my clients and friends up-to-date with current financial issues or critical concerns. Here is the latest.
> Access Here for Your Information.
> If you want more information on this subject, just click-on the additional details box at the end.
> Feel free to send me a message. It’s always good hearing from clients and friends.
> Sincerely,
> John Hancock South Florida Group
> (305) 579-4026 (O)
> John Hancock Financial Network
> South Florida Group
> 1101 Brickell Ave. 16th Floor North Tower
> Miami, FL 33131
> If the link above does not open, try this link – or copy and paste this link into your browser.
> Registered Representative/Securities and Investment Advisory Services through Signator Investors, Inc. Member FINRA, SIPC, a Registered Investment Advisor
> This material does not constitute tax, legal, financial or accounting advice. It was not intended or written for use and cannot be used by any taxpayer for the purpose of avoiding any IRS penalty. It was written to support the marketing of the transactions or topics it addresses. Anyone interested in these transactions or topics should seek advice based on his or her particular circumstances from independent professional advisors.
> The information contained in this email is not an offer to sell or a solicitation of an offer to buy any products or services. It is for informational purposes only. Products and services mentioned in this email may not be available in all states and are only valid for distribution in the United States of America.
> If you feel you have received this message by mistake, or if you want to be deleted from further communications from me, please click below:

Three short service stories

09.12.2009 | Author: Eric Reiss
Three service experiences from a recent trip to Miami, FL.

At Whole Foods in Pinecrest
Me: “Hi. I’m looking for vermouth.”
Whole Foods: “That’s like beer, right?”
Me: “It’s like a strong wine.”
Whole Foods: “This is the wine department.”
Me: “Yes. I know. Where do you have stuff like port?”
Whole Foods: “Which port? Is this something you got on a cruise ship?”

At Macy’s in Dadeland
Me: “Hi. I’m looking for black, canvas tennis shoes.”
Macy’s: “Canvas? Is that a kind of leather?”
Me: “No. It’s heavy cloth. Like what they make sails out of.”
Macy’s: “Like nylon? We have Docksides. But they’re not made of nylon.”

At Staples office supplies
Me: “Hi. I need an At-A-Glance calendar refill.”
Staples: “What year?”
Me (biting tongue): “2010″
Staples: “But that’s next year.”
Me: “Er…yes…I need a refill for my current calendar.”
Staples: “We don’t carry that brand.”
Me: “You have an At-A-Glance display over there, but there’s nothing in it.”
Staples: “That’s a mistake.”
Me: “That you have the display or that it’s not filled?”
Staples: “Yes. Sorry we can’t help you.”

And we web designers wonder why folks can’t fill out online forms…geez.

Voting in Florida - revisited

29.10.2008 | Author: Eric Reiss
Voting in Florida is always a challenge - just ask anybody who fought with the butterfly ballot in Palm Beach County back in 2000. This year, Miami-Dade County, my county of residence, forgot to send me an absentee ballot, even though I had sent in the paperwork back in September.

Today, getting nervous as election day approached, I spent 25 minutes on hold before an actual human confirmed my worst fear, "We have no record of your request." Luckily, today was the last day to register for an absentee ballot, so I jumped through the hoops again.

And this time it got through. Here's the mail receipt I just received:


E-mail received on Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Anyone else notice something odd about this message? Ah, Florida. How can we trust our officials to count our votes correctly when they cannot even figure out days of the week?